I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
