While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
