say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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