im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
