very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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