I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Randomize
