is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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