I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
