idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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