So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
