The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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