There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
