He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
