My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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