My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
