How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
