After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
