I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
