I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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