I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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