There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
