One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
