smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
