he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
