Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
where am i from again
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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