I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My bed smells like the plague
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