If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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