I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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