So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
