At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
