i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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