i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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