yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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