i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
