mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
