I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
