I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
