He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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