It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
