I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
