were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
