Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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