I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
