I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
