I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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