What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
