i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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