You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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