Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
