I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
