i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
