Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
