I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
