your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
