i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
